බල්ලාගේ මරණය රසාස්වාදනය කිරීම

අපේ ගෙදර සුරතල් බැල්ලිය මරණයේ දොරටුව අභියස සිටී. මිය යාමට තරම් වයසක් තවමත් නැතිමුත් හදිසියේ රෝගාතුර වූ ඇය යන්තම් හිසවත් ඔසවා ගනු නොහැකිව ඔහේ වැතිර සිටී. ඇගේ නමින් කථා කළවිට වලිගය  හෙමිහිට සොළවයි. ගෙදරට පැමිණෙන අමුත්තන්ට ගෙරවීමට උත්සාහ දරයි. ගෙදර සියල්ලන්ම දුකිනි.

ඒ අතර මගේ පියාගේ විද්වත් මිතුරන් තමන්ගේ ශෝකය ඔහුට මෙලෙස ප්‍රකාශ කරයි. 

ප්‍රවීන ගත කතුවරයෙකුද පුවත්පත් තීරු රචකයෙකුද වන එක් මිතුරෙක් මගේ පියාට මෙසේ කියයි.

"අර මගේ, මේ පොතේ, මෙන්න මෙතන, බල්ලෙකු ගැන මෙහෙම කථාවක් තියෙනවා. කතාවේ කථා නායකයා තමාගේ සුරතල් බල්ලා, බලු පැටියෙකු කල දරුණු රෝගයකින් බේරා ගන්නවා. මහලු වී ලොම් හැලී ගිය පසුද එම බල්ලා නැවතත් තමාව බේරා ගනී සිතා ඔහු ලඟටම වී සිටිනවා."

තවත් මිතුරෙක් මගේ පියාට දුරකථනයෙන් අමතා මෙසේ කියයි. ඔහුද ලෝකප්‍රකට සිනමා කරුවෙකි. 

"බල්ලට කොහොමද? සිරි ගුණසිංහගේ අභිනිෂ්ක්‍රමණය පොතේ බල්ලාගේ මරණය නමින් කවියක් තිබෙනවා."

ඔහු එයින් නොනැවතී බල්ලාගේ මරණය නම් එම කවිය මගේ පියාට දුරකතනයෙන් පවසයි.

ඔහු එයින්ද නොනැවතේ. ස්වල්ප මොහොතකට පසු මගේ පියාට කෙටි පණිවිඩයක් එවමින් සිරි ගුණසිංහගේ කවියේ තතුද බල්ලන්ගේ මරණ ගැන ලියා තිබෙන වෙනත් කවීන්ගේ තවත් කවිවල තතුද අනුපිලිවෙලට දන්වා සිටී.

බල්ලාට කෙසේ වෙතත් මටනම් නැට්ටටම තදවෙන්නේ එවිටය.

Short story: Under the leafless Oak tree

You are silent, like me. You don't talk much, You don't feel the need to express everything in words.

You are silent, sitting here with me, on this park bench, under this leafless Oak tree. Between us there is no need for words. You just look at me.

You have a handful of blueberries in your palm. The last bounty of an already gone summer. I don't know from you where you found them. You are eating them one by one, as if to savour the taste of each of them. You look at me and silently offer me one.

Unlike her.

She would have said a million things about the berries by now. From "Ooooh darling, don't they remind you of little blue gems" to "OH! That's sour" scrunching up her face. You eat your berries knowing they are berries and nothing else. The sourness doesn't take you by surprise. For her each berry would be a new experience, always exclaimed in words. For you they are berries. You just look at me.

How I revel in the silence!. It's getting colder now, each evening. Trees are mere skeletons of what they used to be. I can see two last leaves hanging from the tip of an Oak branch, about to get caught in the wind, about to fall to the ground. She would by now, have cried in sympathy for the leafless trees. You just look at me instead.

With you, there is peace. I need not ask for silent time. I need not ask for time for my own. You understand. You are like me. We are like these two last Oak leaves drifting in the wind.

There is a slight breeze coming from the East. The trees are waving their branches as if saying goodbye to the summer. It soothes my soul to just sit here with you in this silence. She would have by now, held on to my shoulder shouting "Oh darling, isn't it romantic?". We just look at each other instead.

In a while, I have to get up from this bench and leave you, to her, where I call hearth and home. I have to leave this companionable silence and go where there is always noise. Where everything needs to be spoken aloud.

In just a little while, as the moon comes up, I have to get up from this bench and leave you under this leafless Oak tree, eating blueberries.

She would be waiting for me.

The rut

Hi there...

Remember I said darling left the country? It's been two months now.. I have moved in with my parents. I also have a little secret growing in my belly. :)

I also have exams which started last week and will drag on till mid-December.

But here's the deal. My getup and go has disappeared. I'm usually a very upbeat, bubbly person. Nothing can keep me down for long. But now, nothing seems to work. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should see a shrink. I don't know..

For a while I cried a lot, day and night, and my parents got worried. So I stopped that. Now it's just nothing. Just blank and empty. I stare into my books, not seeing anything. I watch my favourite tv programmes, and I don't remember the story later. Music doesn't seem to make sense anymore. Hours go by and I don't remember what I did or what I thought. It's just one big blank.

I can't tell darling, he's thousands of miles away, and has enough on his plate as it is. I can't tell my parents, they worry too much. I can't tell my sister, she jut got married and well, why on earth should I be selfish to disturb her happiness? I can't tell my friends, they've all go their lives going on and I really don't want to be a pain.

So, as bad as it is, that leaves you. The last thing you need is to hear my miseries bestowed (for the lack of a better word) upon you.

Am I going crazy?

Being selfish

I sometimes want to do selfish things and say selfish things.

I sometimes want to say things like "No one loves you more than I do, no one else would let you go like I did"

Sometimes I want to say "Don't hang out with your friends, stay with me instead".

But then I remember that if no one loves him as much as I do, then I wouldn't say those things. Because if I said them, my love would be meaningless.

It is hard sometimes to remember that love should be about giving. We are in such a world that reminds us everyday to puff our own egos that we forget true giving. We forget that it's not always about us.

Sometimes, I have to remind myself. Over and over again.

What do fish eat?

So I was at the hospital waiting for the doctor to come.

You know how most hospitals have gigantic fish tanks everywhere? There was one right next to me and a little boy about three years old and his father were looking at the fish.

Suddenly the kid goes " Thaththi.. What do fish eat? Don't they get hungry?"

Dad says " People give them food kiddo, they don't go hungry"

kid: "aaaaahhhh... "

Thinks for a moment and says " Ah that's good neh thaththi.. So easy for them.."

Dad: "Why putha?"

Kid: "They can eat and drink water also.. ".


I almost fell out of my chair.

Potatoes and pots

She watched him do the dishes, Her heart was breaking and she wished she was the one doing the dishes.

"Do you think the potatoes are done darling?" he asked.

"Let me see" she said. "Prick them with a fork and see"

"Ah, they're done" he said, drained the potatoes and turned to the sink to wash the pot.

It was heart breaking for her to watch him do the dishes, alone in his apartment, through a video call, over the internet.

He was continents and continents away.

And she wished she was the one doing the dishes.

Greener pastures

This is why I've been under the radar lately.

Darling has left the country for greener pastures. While I know that he'll be back, and he will probably be back before I know it, I can't help feeling so desolate and empty..

I'm back with my parents.. Dad has taken it to his heart to fatten me up.. :)

I was supposed to go with him too, at some later point. But for reasons best explained later, I couldn't go with him..

So here I am, feeling sorry for myself..

Anyway, I thought I'd regale you with my misery..